[Trigger Warning: rape]

We ran a Focus Group with members of the Parent Teacher Associations of the schools we teach at. We wanted to solicit their opinions on sexual reproductive health, and how they think the youth should and do access it.

The logistics of running the focus group was the first learning curve in itself. We asked one of the schools to host and were advised Saturday morning was the most appropriate time. Personally, I was very worried no one would turn up. Ideally, we were to have one male only and one female only group, but ended up pooling our small number of participators into one. Although this risked the women’s opinion being side-lined, on observation we didn’t see this happening in the particular group we had. We’ve learnt by now that in Malawi, you must always offer something to your participators, so I spent the morning ferrying bread rolls and a crate of drinks to the meeting place. We had a duo of one UK volunteer and one Malawian to chair and a prepped team of translators and note-takers, and we were ready to begin.

Oops, we forgot to open the meeting with a prayer, and were reprimanded for this by a participator. Apologised… prayed… and now, we were ready to begin!

We sat back and played a mostly observational role, watching a brilliantly divisive discussion unfold. Our participators were all Christian and all belonged to the same (Tumbuka) tribe; however they were of varying denominations. This led to the first clash, where a CCAP member referred to Catholics’ very firm belief in no sex outside of marriage. The Catholic participator retorted that no, it is all Christians who believe this in principle, but Catholics like everybody else know that sex before marriage is a reality and so we must have a way to deal with it.

It seemed a recurrent theme through many of their answers that school was the place where they accepted, or expected, teaching of sexual health to take place. It seemed they accepted there being some contradiction between what is taught at home/church from what is taught in school. Most men admitted they find it difficult to talk about the subject of puberty, contraception etc with their teenage children, including one male teacher who said he teaches it in class without a problem but finds it too awkward with his daughter at home. The female participators however said they were comfortable with it.

The topic of marital rape was another memorable moment in discussion. Two men, who conveniently were facing each other across the circle to add to the dramatics, completely disagreed. One was arguing that forced sex is rape, no matter the context. The other argued that in an African context, it is very difficult to “rape” your wife. An elder female participator agreed that the mind-set here would prevent any woman publicly accusing her husband of forcing sex upon her, as sex is seen as an expectation of marriage.

Later, on the subject of contraceptives, a man blamed condoms for an increase in youth having sex. Others were happy with their youth being able to access contraceptives, though they did also suggest the hospital should have a responsibility to inform parents of the sexual reproductive services the children accessed. Many of the members agreed that the real problem at play here is poverty. They reiterated what we have heard from our students, policy makers, health workers and so on, that a young girl in poverty will be led to sleep with an older man, or “sugar daddy”, for payment. When they offer more money for sex without a condom, the lessons of STIs and unwanted pregnancy will go out the window.

On the topic of HIV and stigma, one woman said “Every household or family knows someone affected, so there is no way somebody can laugh at somebody else because of it here”. Another man made an important plea to teachers that at boarding schools there should be some allocated alone time for students, so that students with HIV are able to take their ARVs in private, rather than avoiding taking them for fear of being outed.

It’s important to remember that the parents, teachers and School Board members who took time out of their weekend to attend our Focus Group are likely the more active parents, willing to engage in these issues. For each of these participators, there may be many others with alternative views on these matters, or else simply much less engaged with issues surrounding their children. However the answers we received seemed very considered, varied and based upon rich lives as part of the community of Ekwendeni.

I personally found the Focus Group great practice in learning to bite my tongue, both because our role was to find out what people think, not share our own opinions, and because I am not a Malawian and can learn a lot more by understanding the basis, justifications, reasonings and connections of what people believe and why than by simply closing my ears and disagreeing. When it comes to sexual reproductive health, I am learning that what works in one context may be completely inappropriate, and thus by extension, ineffective, in another.